Stop Being Emotionally Illiterate.

How To Feel Your Feelings Without Them Controlling You. (Pt. 1)

Insight 94 | Emotions can be tricky, as feelings are often fickle, difficult to understand, or even outright unreliable.

How we “feel” about something is not always how that thing truly is, meaning our whims cannot be trusted as the ultimate truth, but at the same time, they add spice to living. Without them, this world would be robotic and even colder.

So given that our heart does not bargain, the question becomes, how do we give our feelings the room they deserve, acknowledge their presence and effect, but do so in a manner in which we derive the benefits within without falling prey to their strong power?

The following three articles will walk through three practical tips I’ve found useful in my own life, beginning today with the important need to Become Emotionally Literate.

There's a lot that goes into being human. But whether you think in poetry or prose, what's in a name is more important than you may have previously thought.

Stop Being Emotionally Illiterate. We’ve discussed before the importance of connecting one's heart box to one's head box. Doing so allows us to better grasp the “why” behind what we feel and helps us determine whether we have correctly diagnosed the reasons or have been misled by our tempers.

A further method to support the heart-and-mind connection and help ensure nothing gets lost in translation is to expand the vocabulary we use when talking about our deepest matters. There is more to life than falling somewhere on a happy-to-sad spectrum. There is a whole host of other micro variations and complex amalgamations that affect us all the time, but we either ignore them or default to the basic answer of “we’re alright”. Ladies and gentlemen, we don’t always have to be okay, and there's more to life than being “just fine.”

To live to our fullest potential, more deeply enjoying both the highs and lows, it becomes crucial to diagnose feelings and call them out by name. Research conducted by the Chicago Psychoanalytic Institute shows that when we title a sentiment, “we engage the brain’s executive functioning, creating a crucial moment of pause between feeling and reaction.”

This enables us to do a few things:

• Recognize that moments are passing, not constant states.

• Decrease the impact of intense instances.

• Act in a more rational and grounded manner.

• Behave in an adaptive rather than reactive manner.

While naming does not immediately solve the problem, it does make you much more aware of it. 

A rich comprehension of the range of our heart conditions enhances our ability to process a moment more effectively and diminishes the chance of misattributing a feeling to an important or rushed diagnosis due to a lack of proper words.

As such, it is crucial to properly label what we’re working with, and to assist in this process, I've included a short but comprehensive list of words we can use to better identify our sentiments. This list covers the happy-to-sad spectrum while providing greater depth for the in-betweens.

Emotional Vocabulary Expansion

Surface Feelings (Common Defaults)	More Precise Emotions	Deeper / Root-Level States
Happy	Content, Proud, Relieved, Hopeful	Fulfilled, Aligned, Grateful, at Peace
Sad	Disappointed, Lonely, Discouraged	Grieving, Empty, Powerless
Angry	Frustrated, Irritated, Resentful	Betrayed, Disrespected, Threatened
Anxious	Nervous, Uneasy, Restless	Insecure, Fearful, Overwhelmed
Stressed	Pressured, Tense, Drained	Burnt out, Overloaded, Trapped
Disconnected	Numb, Indifferent, Detached	Disconnected, Avoidant, Apathetic
Excited	Eager, Inspired, Curious	Energized, Driven, Purposeful
Confused	Uncertain, Torn, Hesitant	Lost, Misaligned, Doubtful
Tired	Fatigued, Sluggish, Unmotivated	Depleted, Exhausted, Defeated
Jealous	Envious, Insecure, Competitive	Inadequate, Fear of loss, Unworthy
Ashamed	Embarrassed, Regretful, Self-Conscious	Worthless, Exposed, Unacceptable
Guilty	Remorseful, Responsible, Uneasy	Condemned, Self-Blaming, Burdened

* This is a list with examples; there are countless others, but this provides a good baseline for further exploration.

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Being more intentional about what's genuinely going on opens the door to better understanding and procedures for handling each case.  There is so much for us to live, if only we were willing to get better at recognizing it.

I've aimed to do this more often in my own life, and I'm challenging you to do the same this week. Save this article or take a screenshot of the list above and refer back to it when needed. 

When you find clarity through specificity, you will immediately notice how much easier things become, how much less procrastination and difficulty there is with coveratsiona and tasks.  A greater comprehension of the lay of the land is a tactical advantage. It equips us with the techniques and strategies to skillfully operate in emotional terrain. 

If you are someone looking to strengthen your ability to connect with others, handle hard things, and skillfully navigate through the turbulent waters of life, then you absolutely must Become Emotionally Literate.

- Making The Most Of Being Curious

Daniel J. Cuesta

Sources:

Plunge Into The Deep End and Become Emotionally Literate: “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” - Proverbs 20:5 

Be Stronger by Learning to Rule Over Your Spirit (Emotions): Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. - Proverbs 16:32

What Is In A Name, William Shakespeare Quote: Link

How Hardwired Is Human Behavior?: Link

Powerful Strategies for Naming and Taming Your Emotions, A Guide to Emotional Mastery: Link