The Cream Cheese Paradox

Life has a funny way of reminding you of lessons you’ve already learned. It’s like God knows we can sometimes forget and nudges us in the right direction when we need a little help.

I had one of these moments recently. Allow me to introduce you to The Cream Cheese Paradox.

It’s true, I didn’t need it. I’d been living in New York for nine weeks, and not once had I ever thought about such a thing… That was until I got the bagels. It should be left on the record that I wasn’t planning on those either, but with only two weeks left in the city, I felt like I should explore some more “local spots.”

On one fateful night, I reserved a “surprise bag” for pickup from Edith’s Sandwich Counter. As the name should imply, this was a sandwich restaurant, so please understand my utter confusion when I opened the bag to find not one, not two, but EIGHT bagels lying there. Naturally, I thought my “surprise bag” would come with a sandwich, maybe two, but as I stood there, the smell of sesame seeds tempting my senses, a single question lingered in my mind: “Where should I get the cream cheese?”

You may find this moment to be lighthearted, but it was right here and right then that it HIT ME. How easy it is to fall into the trap of yearning after what we “don’t have” when we suddenly start pursuing things we “don’t need.”

This phenomenon has a more professional name; it’s known as the Diderot Effect. It’s what happens when one new item in someone’s life triggers the desire for another, which, when we are not careful, may lead to a dangerous spiral of unnecessary consumption. Denis Diderot, the French writer and philosopher (and the principal editor in the creation of the Encyclopédie), discovered this after being gifted a scarlet robe, which, in contrast to what he previously had, made all his other possessions seem dreary and drab. With this sudden enlightenment, Diderot went into great debt to afford new furniture and regarnish his previously modest home. By the end of it all, he realized that while “I was the absolute master of my old dressing gown. I have become a slave to my new one.”

You could say that Diderot suddenly had a bagel and realized he “needed” cream cheese. This is the paradox; this is the trap. It’s skipping past gratitude and straight into wanting.

This analogy may seem silly, but it perfectly encapsulates our tendency to rationalize our consumerism. When we begin to overvalue what we own as a metric for our identity and self, we yearn for more and lose sight of what is. We have confused what we have as a proxy for who we are. When you prioritize looking the part rather than being the person, we forget that none of these “things” make you YOU, and we mistake our aesthetic for our identity, trading in possessions for our purpose.

Diderot learned this the hard way; he suddenly needed to become the kind of man who owned nice things for the sake of owning nice things, which in and of itself may not be a bad thing, but it came at the expense of his stability. Similarly, as I stood there in the Manhattan rain, a bag of bagels in hand, I rushed right past being grateful for the food and instead started getting frustrated about what I didn’t have.

—

A bagel doesn’t need cream cheese, but I can admit it’s nice when it has it. The same is true in our own lives. The problem isn’t the add-ons or our dreams for more; the problem is skipping straight to what we think is missing before stopping to be content with what we have. The paradox lies in chasing after good things for bad reasons. It’s OK to have hopes, but it’s dangerous when they come at the cost of your present peace.

The cycle begins slow and small, with something seemingly ordinary, but if we’re not careful, it can lead us to fast-forward through life for the “next thing” while skipping over what’s right in front of us. Sometimes life is gonna throw you a bagel and leave out the cream cheese. You will have enough and must be careful not to convince yourself you need more.

The greatest freedom doesn’t come from having everything we’ve ever wanted, but no longer being a slave to the want of everything we’ve ever seen. This week, when you find yourself complaining, worrying, or stressing over life, ask yourself this simple question: “Am I grateful for my bagels (blessings), or am I too focused on what I think is missing?”

Contentment begins with where you are, regardless of where you want to get going.

• Making The Most Of Being Curious Daniel J. Cuesta

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**P.S. **Many restaurants that pride themselves on using fresh dough daily encourage their neighborhood to come and buy what was not sold that day at a discount. It’s always a fun little adventure and a great way to discover new spots in a place you have never been. I highly recommend trying the app “TooGoodToGo” if you are interested in such “side quests” ;)

~ Wednesdays Of Wisdom ~

Sources:

Contentment (With God) Is The Secret To Gain: But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. - 1 Timothy 6:7

**Consumerism Is A Slippery Slope: **Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Hebrews 13:5

**Craving Is Futile: **Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the appetite: this also is vanity and a striving after wind. - Ecclesiastes 6:9

5 Steps To Be Content, Daniel Cuesta: Link

Who Was Dennis Diderto: Link

**What Is The Diderot Effect, James Clear: **Link

**Minimalism Documentary: **Link