Who Are You? I Bet You Don’t Even Know. (Foundations)

Insight 54 | It’s a simple question, really, but why then is it so difficult to answer?

Let's make it even easier, though, by narrowing the scope of the query.

Who are you without mentioning your occupation, where you're from, your ethnicity, your nationality, where you grew up, hobbies, or religion?

All of a sudden, although the question is now more specific, it seems harder to answer, doesn't it? Who we are without the superficial isn't as obvious. While our essence should be at our core, we have lost sight of it and given it up to the interpretation of other people's definitions.

“Who are you?” comes with a myriad of contingencies, caveats, and subcategorizations that would take a specific sense of nuance only you can provide. But even when allowed to define who you are, we so often fall back on cliches provided by job descriptions or social media profiles. 

The thing is, if you don’t even know you, how are others meant to?

“Who are you?” is a question of identity, and identity is the formulation of the story we tell ourselves and others about our soul. It's an extension of our deepest values and what we sincerely cherish. 

Therefore, another way to understand the question is by framing it through the lens of the story we are in, and fortunately, stories are a much easier concept to grasp. They all share a foundation, a plot, a narrative meant to be followed to reach the desired goals. 

Both in a story and in life, a character's actions are directly correlated to who they are. For example, the knight is brave, the mother is nurturing,  and the king is wise.

Notice each of these characters is “something” and therefore has an associated action with that quality. For example, the knight is brave, so he acts bravely, the mother is nurturing, so she nurtures, the king is wise, so he speaks wisely. Each character's identity is the foundation on which their behavior is modeled and acted upon. One precedes the other. 

As a result, a character falls from grace when their actions become incongruent with who they are meant to be: the knight cowers in fear, the mother fails in her caring, the king acts foolishly. It's this misalignment of identity and purpose with action that leads to their failure, as well as their realignment that leads to their redemption.

Similarly, as our lives are but stories, the same is true for us. When we are in conflict with who we are, we create a dissonance within our souls. For some, this discordance is a mere inconvenience and nothing more than a side effect of being human. Many are able to live this way, using others' labels as holy prescriptions rather than only descriptions, and acting out the scripts written by the masses.

But more and more, this discordance is what creates the sense of fear and anxiety plaguing our society. It's your soul telling you to wake up, but it's you paying it no mind because you're so groggy from the medication Hollywood, Wall Street, and the White House sold you to be able to wake up.

It does not have to be this way. A strong sense of identity can indeed be achieved and maintained. But this begins with a revaluation of your foundation. That which you have chosen to build your life upon. It's forming an identity through the prioritization and creation of valuable non-negotiables, then following through with those definitions by committing the proper actions associated with them.

I, for one, believe the greatest identity one can adopt is that of a Child of God and a dedicated Jesus Follower, as it encompasses all levels of purpose, meaning, and the good. However, I only say that because I do not believe it is directly correlated with routine or “religion,” but rather a “relationship” with an eternal and divine being. That said, regardless of your stance on the divine, the virtues which stem from this belief are other natural and edifying principles on which you too can build your life.

They are not mere labels but an interlaced network that creates a strong foundation on which your life can stand and never waver. As mentioned above, this begins by identifying specific fundamentals that you would consider yourself to be or like to adopt. Then it's cured by living out those truths in your day-to-day. The benefit here is that the resulting work is tangible and measurable.

 It looks something like this:

You are kind, and so you act kindly towards others.

You are healthy, and so you take care of your body and mind.

You are generous, and therefore, you give out of joy, not out of requirement.

Notice how these same definitions mirror the concept shown earlier: a story's characters are first, “something,” and then they act accordingly as a result. In this case, first you are kind, and therefore you act kindly towards others, you are healthy and so you aim for 10k steps a day and eight hours of sleep (when possible ;), you are generous and so you gladly give where there is need. 

Plenty of people know how to calculate and quantify how much of a musician, financier, or writer they are. Look at how much music, money, or work they’ve made. Not many people know how well they align with their virtues. This simple framework allows you to measure just how well you are doing at what you claim to be

Once you get the foundation down, the rest builds up from there.

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Next time someone asks, “So who are you?” Give them something to remember and answer through the lens of identity, not the cop out responses from work, hobbies, or nationality.

The chicken came first, ladies and gentlemen. You must first know who you are in order to be who you are becoming. 

If you know who you are, then it really doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you about you.

-Making The Most Of Being Curious

Daniel J. Cuesta

Sources:

Identity As A Jesus Follower: For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works... - Ephesians 2:10 

Invitation Into Relationships Not Routine: Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. - Revelation 3:20

Invitation Into Relationship AND Realignment: Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. - James 4:8

The Importance Of Identity Alligning With Action: By their fruit you will recognize them… every good tree bears good fruit. - Matthew 7:16-20 

Test Yourself To Measure Whether You are Aligned With Who You Say You Are: 

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. - 2 Corinthians 13:5 

Relationship OVER Religion: I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit…- John 15:5