Talk Less. Smile More: The Power Of Listening.

Insight 73 | For all the Hamilton fans out there, you may recognize the titles of today's piece as one of the standout lines from the show.

It's directed at the character of Alexander Hamilton himself, as uninvited but much-needed advice from his excelling counterpart, Aaron Burr. After rudely interrupting the man’s peaceful walk, Hamilton is quickly put in his place as Burr does not hesitate to remind him ... fools who run their mouths off wind up dead.

The comment is made to encourage a strategic approach to your thoughts, actions, and words. But it also encourages an often-overlooked truth: When you talk less and smile more, you create the space to listen better. This isn't a call to be quiet altogether, but rather to lean your ear to hear the whispers of the Lord, to give more than you take and leave space to breathe, and finally, to protect yourself from the opinions of others.

But to do that, we must first learn that:

1. God's Whispers Sound Louder When Your Mind Is Quiet.

2. You Can’t Teach A Drowning Man To Swim.

3. Silence Is Your Shield; It Protects Your Progress.

These might sound simple, but I promise you, if they were that simple, more of us would be better at them. We can all admit to moments when we forgot to listen and suffered the pain that followed.

1. God's Whispers Sound Louder When Your Mind Is Quiet. This might come as a surprise to some, but did you know it takes two to tango? You know what else takes two? Conversation. 

The cases in which these are one-sided are dysfunctional; they're based on monologues, not dialogues, and relationships built on them can never flourish. And yet, we like to talk, and talk, and talk to Jesus all day! Then try to find peace in the fact that we “pray” so much, only to frustrate ourselves and get annoyed because He won’t answer.

But it turns out that it is our very own faults as Prayer is NOT talking to God… It's talking with God.

The small contrast between those italicized words is what makes the world of a difference between a relationship with Jesus that is a conversation and one that is a prolonged, uninterrupted ranting session. It's in the listening where Discernment occurs; it is prayer's natural next step, but sadly, we rarely take the time to quiet our minds and soften our hearts to hear what the Lord is saying. 

Have you ever been somewhere where you tried to listen to someone right next to you but couldn't hear them because it was so loud? 

This is similar to the situation many of us might find ourselves in with the Lord. After all, He is a gentleman. He knocks but will never bust down the door. He will wait with his hand outstretched, but never force you to take it. And perhaps, most beautifully, he will often wait for you to stop talking before he starts. God doesn't like to interrupt while you're talking and rarely raises his voice until he has to.

In 1 Kings 19:11-12, we learn that the Lord is found in a gentle whisper, and it's a fact of life that it's hard to hear His whispers over the noise. This is why his words sound louder when you allow yourself some quiet. It’s the prerequisite to better listening. It’s something that must be intentionally created and sought out. And if the only quiet we have in a day is at night before going to bed, we will likely find ourselves turning over in bed, having a difficult time falling asleep, because it's only now that it's quiet enough for us to listen to what he is trying to say. If we are constantly scrolling, then God will meet us whenever and wherever we put our phones down. If we continue talking, He will whisper until we quiet ourselves enough to listen.

2. You Can’t Teach A Drowning Man To Swim. This one is difficult to write as I recently experienced a situation in which I forgot this principle and failed miserably as a result. Evidence of just how crucial this can be in becoming a better, wiser person and friend.

Allow me to ask you something: does it seem reasonable to try to teach a drowning man how to swim? The obvious answer is no. When someone is in danger or in need, the correct thing to do is show up, be there, and help them back to shore. And yet, our often natural reaction when we come across people who are flailing in deep waters is to yell out to them with “sound” advice on how to prevent sinking, call someone else for their opinion, or ignore them, rather than getting in the water with them to help hold them up and rescue them from that perilous moment.

What I mean by this is that sometimes others come to you, drowning in their emotions, deadlines, and overthinking, and all they truly need from you is the support to keep them afloat, a friend who listens, not your opinion or advice on how they should have avoided the deep end or how they should kick harder.

You have been on the receiving end of this as well. Have you ever tried to tell someone something, but they were too busy talking or trying to fix you that they never really heard a thing you said? This was you in a moment of drowning, and this was them trying to teach how to swim instead of just being your life preserver in the waves.

We all need someone sometimes; life is better together. An ear that will listen, a heart that will stay quiet for a few moments, and a mind that will shut off its “opinions” for a brief period is a warm embrace that keeps us above water when the world and its difficulties seem to be pulling us under.

3. Silence Is Your Shield; It Protects Your Progress. This final point is the most useful to your relationship with yourself, life, as the first was for our relationship with God, and the second for our connection to others. While we often like to think that we will root for others, the truth is, not everyone roots for you. 

As humans, we have a natural tendency to seek community and share the progress we are making. We get a hit of excitement when we tell our friends about the fantastic day we had. Our blood pumps a little harder when we speak about the wonders the Lord is doing in our lives. And that is all well, but the same cannot be said about those hearing about these good things. 

“Some” may rejoice with you, but not everyone will. This is not a pessimistic mindset, rather a self-preservationary one. As a result, it is important to realize that it is acceptable to stay silent. Both the difficult and celebratory seasons of your life weren't meant to be shared with everyone. If you do announce them, you invite others' opinions and criticism, and most of it isn't the kind that builds you up, no matter the intentions behind how it's delivered.

When you keep your plans, thoughts, and intentions to God and yourself, you have the strategic advantage. It’s the reason why Chess is a silent game. You don’t play and utter every move before making it. No. You sit. You think. You move. You repeat. The only words needed are when the game comes to a close and you have to choose between saying Checkmate and Good Game. 

Not everything was made to be posted online, no matter how much this digital age fools us into believing so. It is always better to work quietly than loudly. This sets you up to avoid unsolicited attention from others who won’t understand your process.

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A few months ago, we covered a topic within a similar vein of thinking, The Power Of Selective Yapping. Here we discussed why “talking” itself wasn't the problem, but rather what we are discussing and with whom we are discussing it that we should be careful about. Being aware of this principle prevents us from digging ourselves into holes we will later struggle to climb out of and gives our words a special dignity and power when we do choose to speak.

In addition to this understanding, The Power of Listening is just as essential. Choosing to talk less and smile more means setting yourself up for a stronger relationship with God, others, and your endeavors. It begins by hearing the Lord's whispers more clearly, being there for people when they just need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold, and protecting yourself from others' opinions.

The Power of Listening lies in remembering:

1. God's Whispers Sound Louder When Your Mind Is Quiet. (Relationship With God)

2. You Can’t Teach A Drowning Man To Swim. (Connection With Others)

3. Silence Is Your Shield; It Protects Your Progress. (Partnership With Self)

Who wouldn’t want to live in a world where we are overwhelmed with joy and not sadness, shout from relief rather than frustration, and cry from witnessing the good right in front of us, rather than having it buried in ignorance caused by noise? 

That begins by each of us choosing to Talk Less and Smile More. Showing some teeth, using those dimples, and lending an ear to listen are things we can each willingly do every day… Will you?

- Making The Most Of Being Curious

Daniel J. Cuesta

Sources:

Why Listen At All? To answer before listening—that is folly and shame. - Proverbs 18:13

God Whispers: …the LORD was not in the wind… not in the earthquake… not in the fire; and after the fire came a gentle whisper. - 1 Kings 19:11–12

Stillness and Quiet Are The Prerequisites To Hearing God's Voice: Be still, and know that I am God… - Psalm 46:10

You Can’t Teach a Drowning Man to Swim:

• Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. - Romans 12:15

• Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. - Galatians 6:2 

Silence Is Your Shield; It Protects Your Progress: The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint… Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent. - Proverbs 17:27–28

Aaron Burr, Sir - Hamilton: Link

God Can’t Talk To You If You Won't Be Quiet (Funny Video): Link

Work In Silence: Link