Your Feelings Don't Care About Your Facts

Insight 95 | How To Feel Your Feelings Without Them Controlling You (Pt. 2)

The phrase “Facts don't care about your feelings” has become a popular slogan, often used when crafting an argument based solely on logic.

And although a rigorous argumentative structure grounded in rational and analytical thinking can go a long way, as humans, we don’t make decisions through an exclusively logical lens. In fact, this statement's mirror image also carries significant weight. In many cases…

Your Feelings Don't Care About Your Facts

Or in other words. You could be the rightest person in the room, and still it would not matter. I don’t mean this to brush aside the value of truth (as ultimate truth provided by God should be how we filter our decisions), but as an encouragement that we too often lose ourselves, as well as others, in trying to win the point rather than the heart.

If society is better when together (which it is), then we must equip ourselves with both an empathetic, emotionally robust toolkit and empirical, reasoned strategies.

Think about it with me for a moment, and you will see just how relevant this idea is. Have you ever been “Hangry”? How about slightly grumpy from a night of little rest? Here is one more. Have you ever been caught before your morning coffee? (👀)

We each have these types of moments in our own lives. The habits or routines that if we do not partake in can have a heavy impact on how the rest of the day may go. And yet, when we step back for a moment and ask ourselves, “Does this make a whole lot of sense?” many of us conclude that “no”, it doesn't. None of these activities (or lack thereof) should be what ultimately concludes whether or not we decide to act as a good person on any given day. Nevertheless, we are quick to soften our own standards when we fall into these dips, but struggle to extend the same mercy to the countless others we encounter daily.

On a similar note,  the brain is a fascinating creation with incredible nuances we have yet to understand, and while we have learned that it is highly malleable and can be retrained, it also has a form of “hardwiring” toward survival. We commonly (if not actively working to mitigate) prioritize actions that will guarantee our immediate next step, rather than making decisions rooted in the long term. This is why we, so often in the heat of the moment, filter our words and actions through a short-term lens rather than a lifelong one. We say what we don’t mean and fire off the tongue. We roll our eyes. We stomp out of the room. It’s moments like these when our “need to survive” signals us to act rashly to “get through the next moment,” though, in a regular state, we would never do these things. 

They serve our instant well-being in the moment but may not serve our best interests holistically. I bring this up because no matter how good we get at slowing down, taking a deep breath, acknowledging our emotions, and not letting them rule, sometimes, the little devil on our shoulder wins out.

When we take these two realities together, we should conclude that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has the right to have a bad day. We are so easily willing to understand when we’re the ones “going through it,” but my dearest friends, look around, we’re all going through it, even when you can’t see it.

This is one of those lessons that may be harder to swallow because it means setting your own pride aside and being open to putting yourself in another's shoes. Feelings don't always care about the facts! It is unjust of us to go around judging based on logic when we haven't even tried to consider what might be under the hood.

Who knows if they too missed their morning coffee, had a poor night's sleep, or missed lunch!  We should be careful of this hypocrisy. Matthew warns us in his Gospel, chapter seven, verse eight, that “For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:2) Knowing this, we should be all the more willing to extend a hand of grace.

It is crucial to note, as touched on earlier, that this does not diminish the importance of the ultimate truth. It remains the final authority under which we must all submit our wills; this fight requires of us humility and willingness to learn, but in the meantime, it is just as important to consider the other side of the pendulum. 

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I sincerely do not know what it is like to be you, but, just like you, countless others are “also” going through it. A reminder to be evermore grateful for our good days, but all the more merciful on both ourselves and others when a poor day comes around.

Understanding this balance is how we strengthen our ability  to feel our feelings without them controlling us.

Yes, Facts don’t care about feelings. But we are emotional creatures, so this week, remind yourself that feelings, both yours and those of others, don’t always care about the facts.

Because of this, we must always strive to win the heart, even when that means losing a point.

- Making The Most Of Being Curious

Daniel J. Cuesta

Sources:

Extend Grace and Be Careful How You Judge Others: For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. - Matthew 7:2

Consider Others: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32

Slow Down and Consider The Broader Context: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires - James 1:19-20