Vampire Hunting 101:

Insight 70 | You Don’t Need More Friends, Just Real Ones.

I hate to break this to you, but some of the people you call friends are vampires masquerading as companions.

Yes, you read that correctly, Vampires, the blood sucking, soul-crushing, dream-shattering kind who latch on to your neck, drain you dry, and then leave you to die. 

I am not one for scary things, but given it's spooky season, it seems fitting to situate today's insight within a paranormal framework. Think of it as a terribly haunting metaphor.

If you take away one thing from today's article, let it be this:

People Change … Even Satan Used To Be An Angel.

I have found myself thinking about this more and more as I reassess what I mean when I say “You are my friend”. In wrestling with this question, I have come to realize that, up to this point, I've had an admittedly casual definition of what I mean by those words. Often, as long as I’d known you for more than five minutes, you would qualify as a friend. 

I took pride in this as it seemed wholesome, innocent, and a step of good faith, but as I've grown and matured, I've come to realize that bad company corrupts good morals, as 1st Corinthians 15:33 says. This means we can not and should not take lightly with who we sit with at our tables, with whom we share our dreams, and, moreover, who we choose to do life with. After all, as Proverbs 13:20 so wisely clarifies: Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Notice that those surrounded by a company of members better than themselves tend to improve (become wise). This is why successful people, before they were ever big shots, worked to get into “the room where it happens” with others who were smarter, better connected, and more insightful than they were. If you want to get better at anything in life, surround yourself with people who are already better than you. You will notice yourself gradually climbing to the next level; it's the natural effect.

Moving on from that note, notice how those who entertain the time of fools in Proverbs 13:20 do not necessarily become foolish themselves but rather suffer consequences related to their foolishness. This is why a “good kid” can end up in foul trouble. Not because they ever stopped being good, but because they were around the wrong people, which led them to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

With all this in mind, I realized the urgency of conducting an audit of our friendships – not for the sake of efficiency or maximization, but for self-preservation and, more importantly, alignment with the Lord's will! If this sounds prideful or egotistical to you, remember that to be an effective force for good, we must first put on our own oxygen masks before assisting those around us. 

To begin, it's important to remember that a person does not easily become a friend; instead, it's the result of multiple decisions over hours spent together. I wrote about this last year in my article, discussing how many of our friendships behave like our solar system: closer to us at certain times and more distant at others. I stand by this principle. I really do believe it takes at least 200 hours for anyone to become a friend truly.

But today I'd like to take it a step further, as I've recently had the revelation that sometimes there are people with whom you have spent a significant amount of time (perhaps more than the hypothesized “200”), and yet it's still better for you to leave them behind. 

It is these individuals I refer to when I say the word 'Vampire' in today's introduction.

While spotting one of these creatures may not be easy, it's certainly doable. It's the kind of people who look normal from the outside but hold onto a darker side of themselves that has the danger of harming you. It's those who always shut down your ideas, who give you their opinions but never listen to yours, and talk about building something credible without having anything credible built for themselves.  Do these descriptions ring any particular bells for someone in your life?

Alternatively, Vampires can also be the kind of people on the other side of the pendulum. Those who aren't outright harmful, but instead string you along for a ride full of mediocrity. These are the kind of people who never willingly challenge your way of thinking; they often nod along and pretend to agree, but allow you to fall into a lesser version of yourself than the person you could be. These people are here for your status, power, beauty, or even emotional support, not for who you are. They harm you in ways you may never notice. This is a good time to point out that it's always better to be a flawed version of yourself and strive towards your better self than to pretend to be the person others want you to be. Copycats never make it.

To clarify, diagnosing who in your life may fall into this category is not the same as burning bridges; the Lord has called us to be peacemakers, not havoc-causers. But it does mean being more intentional about how much time we allow ourselves to spend among these people. This is an invitation to think critically about how you choose to relate to others and be more careful about who you allow into your life. While we are in the world, we must never forget that we are not of it.

Now, beyond the description I have already provided, you may be wondering how to better spot the behaviors of the individuals you should avoid. The answers came to me from an odd source.

I recently watched the critically acclaimed film Sinners, which received an almost perfect score of 97% on Rotten Tomatoes and was recommended to me by a dear friend. Of course, I was sceptical as I am by no means a fan of anything horror-related, and I'll admit I skipped many parts of the film. Still, I would be remiss if I didn't humble my pride and accept that the movie gave me much food for thought, which ultimately fueled the creation of today's article, particularly regarding the behaviors of these dangerous soul-drainers.

It turns out that devils come knocking when they like your music, but these bloodsuckers can’t come into your home unless you invite them… more often than not, this happens when they catch you in darkness.

Concerning the first thought, without spoiling any major plot points of the film, the main contention arises when one of the characters' beautiful blues songs draws the attention of one of these haunted figures. In contemplation, I realized this is the same for us in our daily lives. It's difficult for others to see you winning, and many will be drawn to you to delay your progress while pretending to cheer you on, sowing seeds of discord that eat away at your peace and may even slow or end your momentum. The other end of the spectrum is also true; sometimes you find yourself drowning, and these people don't even think about reaching out a hand to help. They are drawn to you but are not there to help you.

This thought brought to mind the wise words of Zig Ziglar, a genuinely great American author and motivational speaker from the early 1900s: “Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember ~ the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” Don’t let them sink their teeth into you ;)

Onto the second point, I had no prior knowledge about Vampire lore, but it turns out that Bloodsuckers need YOUR permission to come in. It's a fictitious and ceremonial requirement popularized by Bram Stoker's 1897 novel, Dracula, which cemented the idea that a Vampire needs an invitation to harm you. Evidence indicates that earlier Eastern European folklore is where this idea originated and was intended to focus the audience's attention on the concept of a home as a sacred and protected space. A place of peace and prosperity that is protected by God and is under covenant, unless you choose to break it and invite terrible forces in. 

This acts as a lovely metaphor for the effects of evil as a whole. The truth is that temptation can only gain power when we “allow it in”; once inside, it's much harder to purge, it quite likes it in your warm home (Matthew 12:43-45). 

This reminds me of when King Hezekiah showed Babylon the vaults of Israel,  allowing foreigners, outsiders, strangers to see everything he and his nation had. This made them utterly vulnerable, and Babylon, driven by greed, abused his kindness and raided the vaults some time later. This is the tragic consequence of allowing those who have no business setting foot in your household.

Lastly, vampires only operate at night, meaning they walk in the darkness. If you want to further reduce your chances of coming across them, you yourself must serve and live in the purity of that which is good, following the brightly lit and narrow path.

Now I hope we all understand why we should be wary of this danger; it's an active threat, not a passive possibility but in case you are still not convinced of the urgency of this message, consider the potential and typical effects of a vampire's bite: Physical harm and possible death, heavy blood loss (which means losing your lifesource), and worst of all, likely turning you into a a dark creature yourself. 

And yet, after reading all this, you may still be thinking. “But wait, Daniel, I can change them!”

Once more, that's simply not true; a good tree can only bear good fruit, and if there is no evidence of this person's desire to change, what makes you think YOU will be the one to accomplish it??? That's a prideful way of thinking; we are only mortal, not God.

You convince yourself that you can save them! You hang on to the mantra that people change, and you're right, they can, but it's good to remember that the devil knows his Bible better than you do. How come? Because even Satan used to be an angel.

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In case nobody has told you this before, you likely don’t need any more friends; it's better to have a few real ones than countless fake ones.

As a matter of fact, it would likely be good for you to audit yourself and the people you currently consider to be one. They might not be who you think they are. If you find yourself “afraid” of losing them because you don't know what you would do without them, I encourage you to seek the Lord and to root your identity in him. 

Yes, perfect people don't exist, so none of us should expect ourselves or those around us to be “perfect”, but it's a law of nature that good trees bear good fruit and bad company corrupts good morals.

If you or the people around you have no evidence of goodness or a striving for it, then it's time to reassess and create distance from the people you used to know or be and the person you are aiming to become.

- Making The Most Of Being Curious

Daniel J. Cuesta

P.S. Some thoughts I have used to filter my circle further and better distinguish whom I, in my heart of hearts, call a friend are these.

•  “If you are a friend to everybody, you are an enemy unto yourself.” - Mike Tyson

• “Not everybody you fight is your enemy, but that also means that not everyone who helps you is a friend.” - Mike Tyson

• “Don't eat with people you wouldn't starve with”. - Link

• Good Friends Don’t Drain Your Energy: Link 

• How you get through the bad times with someone is a greater predictor of that relationship's longevity than how much fun you have with them in the highs.

I share them with you as they will have the same profound effects on you as they have had on me. 

Sources:

The Effects Of Vampires: Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. - Proverbs 13:20

Why We Must Purge Our Lives Of Vampires: Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” - 1 Corinthians 15:33

Think On Good Things And Do Not Walk In Darkness: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. - Philippians 4:8.

Kind Hezekiah Showing The Nations Vaults: Link

NF Song Which I Drew Inspiration From: Link

Who Was Zig Ziglar? : Link

Bonus Image: