Have You Heard of JOMO?

Are you free this Friday night? Probably not. How about next Sunday? Also no!? I thought so.

Your calendar is fighting for control, pushing you to prioritize everything but your sanity. You are expected to be here, there, and everywhere else all at once. Your commitments overwhelm you, but you can’t seem to say no. Letting go would mean admitting defeat.

You are not alone. Many of us struggle with the Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. It’s this deep, seemingly universal urge to be wanted, stay “in the know,” and, most importantly, not feel “left out.” It’s all-consuming and ultimately unfulfilling, yet we submit to its grip like lambs led to slaughter.

The good news is it doesn’t have to be this way; in fact, FOMO has a nicer, better-looking cousin, one I think you should meet. Allow me to introduce you to JOMO, the Joy of Missing Out.

---

While there are many scientific papers in the online abyss on the psychological explanations and reasoning behind why it is that humans behave in this way, which thoroughly explain how we are susceptible to the influence of the crowd and yearn for the approval of the masses, I’d like to instead share a personal anecdote and introduce you to these concepts and their antidote in the way they were shared with me.

I first felt it in 6th grade. A sinking feeling pulled me into a pit of worry and what-ifs. My friends were planning a get-together, and I didn’t have a ride; it was short notice, and my parents were preoccupied. This, of course, did not stop me from asking. I hurried to my mother, filled her in, and pleaded that I “had to be there.”

She was patient and kind. She listened as I rambled and explained my case, laying the groundwork for why this was so important and why I couldn’t miss it. When I settled down, she looked at me with clear eyes and, in a confident tone, told me, “Dani, I’m sorry, but you are not going to be able to go this time.”

My head started to heat up, and my mouth opened on its own to try to convince her otherwise. Quickly, my mama calmed me down, and what she taught me marked me as a man and heavily contributed to who I am today.

She said, “In life, you can’t always be everywhere; you must learn to choose your battles, and most importantly, protect your ‘yes.’” She told me I would survive, and better yet, it wasn’t as big a deal as I thought. To my thirteen-year-old mind, this was ludicrous; she clearly didn’t understand. How could she? For the first time in what felt like ever, I was going to miss out. And it seemed no one was on my side… Guess what happened the week after?

Absolutely nothing.

Life continued; my friends had indeed met up, they’d done something or another and probably had a fun time, but next Monday came and went, they caught me up, and things went on as they tend to do. This small narrative may seem dramatic and over the top, but remember that, to a boy that young, making his way through the jungle that was middle school, missing a hangout with his friends did feel like the end of the world.

Over the coming years, as popularity dynamics evolved and my calendar got “busier,” my resilience to FOMO was tested again and again. Many times, I stretched myself too thin, said yes to too much, and panicked about how everything would get done. But this is where the story changes, and where I believe it can change for you, too. Somewhere along the way, my mother reinforced this concept with JOMO, the Joy of Missing Out.

It was a reframing unlike any other, but one that admittedly takes practice and patience. Rather than focusing on what I was missing, it encourages me to focus on what I do have. Its central tenets are Contentment and Choice. It’s defined by intentionality and a commitment to purpose over pleasure. While there may be times when you sincerely want to be somewhere else, it’s about shifting your focus toward a deeper understanding. It’s fueled by delayed gratification and a drive for fulfillment over fleeting fun.

Notice, JOMO is not a natural state. Unlike FOMO, it does not come to us by itself. Furthermore, it is a majorly unpopular opinion. Taking a stance for your sanity and planting a flag in your convictions may seem arrogant or selfish to those afraid of missing out. You should not expect to be understood.

When you adopt JOMO as a mindset, you choose your priorities rather than letting a committee that doesn’t consider your interests or life’s calling set them for you. It understands that the here and now is not all there is. As you release yourself from the requirements you roped yourself into, you let go of the stress they carry.

Now, there are certain things you must attend to and partake in; this isn’t a call to renounce all responsibility and turn inward like a hermit crab in its shell. But as we’ve discussed before, true self-love isn’t selfish, and the truest form of outward love begins with treating your mind and body with respect, dignity, and care. For Jesus called us to “love others as you love yourself.” Notice the particular clarification: “as you love yourself.” In other words, how can we expect to fulfill our responsibilities to others when we don’t even know how to love ourselves? An empty cup cannot fill up another empty cup.

This begins with you: you set your time, and you decide who and what you allow to take up space in your mind. While others may fear what may be missed, you know, with quiet and practiced confidence, this isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of your peace.

subscribe for more letters like this, or share this letter.

I shall end as I began and ask: Are you free this Friday night? Perhaps you are, or perhaps you aren’t. The more important question is whether the events on your calendar and the constant circling in your head align with who God is calling you to be, or whether you accepted invitations out of fear of being alone with yourself.

Social media makes comparison easy, but JOMO is about choosing contentment instead. With so many people to please, we forget we can say, “Please excuse me, I must attend to my purpose.”

Risk being excluded; if they leave you out of their lives, they never really wanted you in it to begin with. Remember that being in the group chat doesn’t mean you are a part of the group. Wrestle with what matters and remember seasons come and go. More may be required of you in one or the other, but ultimately, the only one you owe an account to is the Lord Jesus Christ when He meets you at the gate.

Like my mama said, “In this life, you can’t always be everywhere; you must learn to choose your battles…”

P.S. This diagram shows search results for FOMO tracked by Google’s worldwide Trends from 2024 to 2026. I found this insightful and aligned with today’s reality; it’s worth sharing and considering.

---

leave a comment, or support my art.

---

~ Wednesdays Of Wisdom ~