The Gardens Belong To The Bees & The Trenches To The Flies

Have you ever met someone with the audacity to have a good day when you’re not?

It’s a particular kind of frustrating, isn’t it? They come in with a smile and an upbeat tone while you’re struggling with emotional baggage no one could ever imagine you’re carrying.

In that moment, it’s impossible to see what could be so nice about this world when nothing seems to be going your way, you’re exhausted, and your mind is in a swamp.

In this moment, you are left with a choice… Are you a fly or are you a bee?

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This was me on a recent Uber ride. It was late, I was looking forward to a quiet trip home, the back of my throat was starting to itch, foreshadowing an oncoming cold, and my brain was bending over itself as it stressed over the piling and pending to-dos. In that moment, I lifted up a single solemn prayer: “Please, Lord, let me not get a chatty driver.”

As you may have guessed… God did not grant this plea, and I am thankful he didn’t.

On this fateful night, I had the pleasure of meeting Erik, a man who somehow managed to shift me from grinch to grinning. By way of his intentional questions and in his innocent presence, these fifteen minutes connected the dots on something my mama had heard* and then shared me just a week earlier:

“Dani, you always have the choice of who to be, either a fly or a bee; remember, you’ll find what you’re looking for, whether that be garbage or flowers.”

When she said it, I thought, “Wow, that’s deep.” I even wrote it down. In the moment, though, it was a lot harder to choose to be a bee when I somewhat enjoyed the comforting stench I had found as a fly.

Three things became clear to me on this drive.

1. Victimhood is falsely empowering. It feels nice to be sad, comforting in a certain way, but its allure is seductive and fleeting. There’s ultimately no peace in poison.

2. We all have the right to a bad day, but temporary problems do not justify giving in to passivity. Our lives are like a canvas, so when your days are blue, remember that’s a color too; choose to paint with what you have.

3. You must first be willing to risk feeling uncomfortable in order to see any change. Choosing joy isn’t easy, but it makes all the difference.

I find that revelations one and two are easier to grasp, and number three is what got me. It made all the difference on this night’s transit.

In the first few moments, when I noticed this would be a conversation-filled ride, I seriously considered taking out my AirPods and hitting shuffle on whatever came up first. That’s when my mother’s words rang in my ears. And I thought to myself, “I’ve already been a fly; what the heck, I might as well try being a bee for the remaining 14 minutes of the journey.”

I asked Erik if he normally worked this late. He told me no; actually, he was out because he wanted to earn some extra cash to save up for his two sons’ Christmas presents. They were growing up so fast, and he wanted to give them the toys he didn’t have. In that moment, I felt myself become a little more human. He then asked me what I was studying and how it felt to be on my way to graduation. I told him I was excited and grateful and couldn’t believe the time had passed so quickly. As we continued our conversation, I felt the weight on my shoulders lighten.

To some, this exchange may look like nothing more than surface-level sentences between two strangers. But for me, it was the evidence I needed to convince myself that you really do find what you’re looking for.

I was still feeling a bit sick and tired, yes, but choosing to be a bee turned this conversation from a chore into a happy coincidence. Forgetting my fly mentality, a bare field where nothing of value had been before began to bloom, and flowers filled my mind as I chose to find blooms instead of burdens.

Often, what grows under your care is what you choose. Choose wisely.

People say, “Don’t go looking for trouble,” but they forget to tell you what you should search for instead. Our hearts and minds should focus on finding the good amid the graves, even when things feel dark. Because no matter what happens, we always have a say in how we respond.

Which leaves us with a question: when it’s all a matter of perspective, which do we choose? When we can acknowledge the present and its realities as they come, but also choose not to be defined by them, how do we respond?

After all, whether you’re a fly or a bee… you always find what you’re looking for.

Might as well seek Joy. It’s infectious and spreads easily when you’re willing to be a catalyst.

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~ Wednesdays Of Wisdom ~